Drowning

I could still perceive its resonating voice,
Devoid of any semblance of empathy,
Its eyes etched vividly in the corridors of my memory,
Revealing a chilling emptiness, a piercing vacancy.
It incited a furious rage within me,
Yet an enigma, its frigid demeanor directed solely at me.
It possessed an inexplicable ability to transmute my tender heart into fragile glass,
Instilling a pervasive fear, a constant dread of implosion,
A fear that it, with its pernicious intent, could shatter me at any moment.
And so I beseech for assistance, my vocal cords implore,
But alas, it dawns upon me, not a refusal, but incapability,
For my throat, engorged with untamed waters, denies me the precious sound,
And my vision, blurred and hazy, refuses to guide my desperate plea,
And my very breath, vanquished, as I find myself submerged,
Engulfed in the depths of despair, I am drowning,
Drowning in anguish and sorrow…

Anxiety #Poetry

I think you told a lie today
about the shadow on your mind.
I think you plan to die today,
and leave these follies far behind.

I wish you would write me a song,
and ink the truth within its verse.
Happy or sad, it’s fine, so long
as this does not end in a hearse.

© VishalDutia 2023

The words so often are enough

I hang myself from your every word,
swinging beneath the phrases as you
spit your truth,

molding it with your hands into
poetry.

Suffering death after death as I read you.
The facade crumbling as those words
seep deeply into me.
Teaching that I am my own
worst enemy.

Longing for those same hands to etch
your poetry across my body.
Left aching and hard, hoping you glimpse
a softer soul within me.

If only I could pour my words upon yours,
creating by way of some mystical
incantation,

flesh intertwined, blooming flowers
of pleasure, watered by desire,
shining brighter than the sun.

I would.

Still, I walk the razor’s edge of forever
but a stones throw away from never.

I would leap from it all
and cast myself to the abyss
if but for a chance to land in your…

Poetry.

©VishalDutia

Spiral

Want leaves a hole.
I grow weary of swimming to its edge.
Hunger never fed
because of something someone said.

Tired, I sink to the depths.
So be it then.
Better to face a social death,
than to waste an ounce of breath.

©VishalDutia

Leaves will fall inevitably

Leaves will fall inevitably
And one day we will fall too
A fallen leaf will wilt away
Eventually, our bodies will decay
The sunlight can not always save the day
But that is okay
For in our dreams we will escape
Escape our lives
And escape the pain
Death will come in time
But not today
For tomorrow I know
I will see your face
©VishalDutia

Barely Alive

It’s funny how fast you think life goes
Until you realize how slow it really is
So much time of ours is wasted
Life expectancies should be changed
Not for how many years we were alive
But for how many we spent actually living them
I spend so many days feeling that I am not alive
Maybe that would make my life expectancy low
I don’t fear death
I fear living
Because in time everything will go
©VishalDutia

Falling in the Rain

The rain doesn’t always fall
But I’m too busy falling
Trying to call your name
But my mouth is not even working
Please rain again
so my dreams can shine
I could bleed so beautifully
If my blood was not made of wine
Flashing lights
Sullen nights
I see death as I see life
I write what my mind can’t tell myself
I don’t know what I would do if I was blind
This Earth can be so horrid
But on this paper I can call it Hell
For every time the rain falls
I know I will fall again.

©VishalDutia

Scarlet Letters Of Love

Love
Love drove My Heart,
on a Hell of a Ride.
It washed down My Ego
and also some Pride.
Last Night as I read,
Her Scarlet Letters of Love.
As Grey Clouds kept passing,
in the Skies Above.
I searched for one Letter,
which mentioned My Heart.
A Caption that Read
“Till Death does Us Apart”
I ripped that Letter
and tore every single Word.
I screamed Her Name,
but it wasn’t even Heard.
Darkness grows Darker,
when shadows fall My Way.
As memories of My last Love,
simply fails to fade Away.

© VishalDutia

Sweet release

The taste of death is
sweet, but you have to have your
tongue be burned by it.

©VishalDutia

H u s h

Death whispers your name..

s o f t l y

Across the valley of youth.

Grim truth, unseen realities, strange longing disguised

The Herald of betrayal spill down your blood…

A b r u p t l y

Your screams travel nowhere in the hearse

you’ll never see my flooding tears

Time tickle to gather all those faces

They’re drifting in the ancient remanant

along with your palsied testimony

H u s h

The pain you get is ‘not’ the pain you owe.


//What’s real anymore ?//

©VishalDutia

A Letter To Death #Poetry

I read a letter to death today
Written by someone who’s dying
And after reading it, uncontrollably
I just began crying

It shook me to the core
It was typed perfectly neat
Very few words, the author
Kept it very short and sweet

Unlike my poetry
This letter didn’t rhyme
But forever now
This letter will be etched in time

©VishalDutia

Options

I hate it
When death becomes
An option

I like it
When death is not
The only option

©VishalDutia

When I’m gone

When I’m gone
Will you at least be alone
Mourning a loss
As we sure were close

Hearts beat as one
And we had fun
Being together forever
Was just a dream, but never

Closing of eyes for the final blow
Feeling a loss of us, it show
The future might be so bleak
Without me in it

©VishalDutia

A War Within Me

Once I used to live at peace,
There came two invaders love and loss.
Put me through hell, left me in ruins.
It came to an end but all at a cost.

Since then, there’s a war within me,
It is for me yet against myself.
I’m too humble to break down,
But too proud to submit and ask for help.

It is a war between my heart and mind,
Both are aware that their fate is entwined.
Mind throws spears of practical things,
Heart keeps dodging, flying on imaginary wings.

Not seeking God for resolution or any guidance.
No human can assist me with my own defiance.
All I see is chaos and turmoil,
It doesn’t seem to end, no matter the toil.

I wander deep into the abyss of destruction,
I no longer care who’s going to win.
It seems it’ll only end when I do,
Maybe I had committed the worst of sins.

Suicide is for weak but death is not my fear.
No more tears to shed, it feels my end is near.
I’ll die naturally in this war within me,
Just as a soldier sets his own soul free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

©VishalDutia

Random #Musings

Even in the cemetery, a philosopher will think.

Not #Poem #Philosophical

There are two different worlds now.
The one I see when I look
at the screen
and the one where birds sing.
I feel as if the world
would end sometimes
and my mind forgets
the meaning of living
but the shadow is under
my nose.
Somehow forever is
the place of technology.
The glow is what
separates us though
we think connection
is imminent.
Pain and death are
not what we expect.
It happens all the time.
Just like the rain,
tomorrow and today;
Endless is the Universe
talking to me like a dream.
I don’t understand why
it was but I’m going to
sleep again tonight;
I can be whatever you want.

-VishalDutia

Can’t Be

My eyes are heavy,
My mind is full.
My body is numb,
I’m feeling cold.
I can’t believe it.
This isn’t real.
You can’t be dead
I love you still.

Confines

Pressures,
forces,
twisting levers—
gears ratcheting down
little by
relentless
little
against a box with
no walls
and no way out.

The Virus

What has the power to destabilise the economy;
shut down schools;
put millions of people under lockdown; inspire people to buy inordinate amounts of toilet paper;
wish they had never gone on that cruise and cause global uncertainty, fear and mayhem.

Yet is invisible to the naked eye, inaudible, cannot be per se physically touched and is borderline between living and non living?

Haiku #06

Death is like you,
silent, cold, and
doesn’t love me back

If you are death
then I long to be dead

Murder, Sweet Murder

It’s unfortunate
That you had to die
Even more so
Because it was me who
Had held the knife

you cried
so perfect
The way you screamed
When your stomach
Was exposed

Your heart was racing
In a fear unspoken
Your breathing was slim,
For your lungs would not open

Blood paints the walls
And I take a taste
Someday maybe I
Will share the same fate
Welcoming death’s
Eternal embrace

Death Of A Flower

Petals do fall
corrupted they descend,
acid teardrops decline.
The day after is nevermore,
yesterday never existed.
The sun will never sheen,
the night has fallen, nightmares ecstasy.

Have you seen me?

You might’ve seen me walking along the road
Long golden curls, headed for home

Soft blue dress, with little orange flowers
Hopping in puddles from April’s rain showers

Or you might’ve seen my face plastered all over town
Missing child posters “NOT BEEN FOUND”

Amber alerts, sirens blare
No one really knew me, but suddenly they all care

Maybe I’m locked in a basement, or wrapped up in a sheet
But you came to your conclusion when you found a retainer full of teeth

Flowers growing in the cracks in the ground
No one heard my screams, because I didn’t make a sound

Where is she? Where is she? Is there any more? I’m just right above you, under this dirt floor

Have you seen me? Can you hear me? I’ve been scratching for days
He told me that he loved me, but I didn’t want to play

My dress is buried in the mud, as are my locks of hair
And if you look a little closer, you’ll find some child bones growing there

He tasted my pigtails every day, suckled all the sweetness
Told me they tasted just like cotton candy peaches

I tried to get away, I tried and tried but to no avail
He knew I was a liar, when I said I wasn’t a tattle tale

I dreamt of mommy’s kisses when she would tuck me in my bed
It’s always the big girl thing to do, instead of cry and beg

I saw little stars dancing around my head
As his grip squeezed tighter around my little neck

He buried me fairly softly, gave me a kiss goodnight
Wrapped me up in plastic bags and turned out all the lights

The earth is my pillow and my room is the sky
Don’t ask any questions because he won’t say why

Have you seen me? I think it was too late
You did not get to see me, until I met my fate.

TRIGGER WARNING: this was inspired by a very tragic kidnapping case that I saw on the news.

Last words

My cries won’t be heard

But these words I scream

Will be seen

these words will remain

But I will be dust

And ashes blown by a gust

Of wind in the night

Of your once so called lovely sight

I miss you everyday

And I wish there was any way

I can reach you partner

But my soul has dead

My body has left

I’ve come to face my death

I’m away on a strange quest

my heart cries

My soul bleeds infinite

I love the sight of me and you in it

this wasn’t my dream

The death of a joint soul

Wishing to grow old

it’s sad how we part ways in the cold

Hear me now

Hear me loud and clear

My last words to you

My Dear

I am not far

I am here

I am near

Near you

 

Driving

The death of a joint soul

Wishing to grow old

it’s sad how we part ways in the cold

Hear me now

Hear me loud and clear

My last words to you

My Dear

I am not far

I am here

I am near

Near you

 

Hanging Tree (Suicide Fun)

I’m gonna hang on a tree
jumping free

let’s have some fun

I’m gonna get me a rope
lay down my cloak

let’s have some fun

swing baby swing
let your body swing
whistling in the wind

Our Lives

It was only yesterday
When we met
Didn’t know
It would change our lives

Back in unknown dark
Far apart
We find each other
And open our eyes

I hope you will see
As I have done
That my love will
Change our lives

Only you and me
We will be having
No worries
We were meant to be

We see and saw it was
Time to go
Even in our deaths
You changed our lives.

MONSTER

Can’t **** it with bullets,
Can’t **** it with liquor.
Can’t **** it with drugs,
It’ll just make you sicker.

Can’t destroy it with silence,
Can’t burn it with matches,
Can’t cut out the legs
And just hope it collapses.

Can’t stop it with arrows,
Can’t stop it with knives.
Can’t stop its great fury
And destruction of lives.

Can’t erase it with pleasure,
Can’t **** it with joy.
Can’t disguise yourself from it,
It’s on a path to destroy.

The struggle is real,
But don’t give up the fight.
The only thing that
Can beat back the darkness…is light.

Death #Poetry

Skeletons in the closet
Poison in the cupboard
Strangers in the hallway
Life without a lover

Knives in the kitchen
Needles in the drawer
Pills in the dresser
A knock on the door

Brilliantly disturbing
I begged from him no more
“Hello, my name is Death,
And you’re the one I’ve come for.”

Insecurity #Poetry

Love..

he called her fat
coz he was thin

he called her pale
coz he was dark

he called her emotional
coz he was heartless

he called her nagging
coz he was secretive

yet she loved
and he cheated

his insecurities
killed the love
killed the girl
killed her entity

she hanged
and he died

Suicide is a Funny Thing #Poetry

Funny how we’ve made the choice
To die even before we are born

Funny how many attempts we can make
Before we finally fall

Funny how long it takes for the blood to run out
And leave us for once and for all

Funny how much your body can handle
When you don’t want to deal no more

Funny how gas can make you laugh and cry
When you’re locked in the car and don’t even care why

Funny how many pills your system can take
When death is the option you’ve already made

Funny how long we can hang in the balance
Between the length of a noose and the floor

Funny how hard our dreams can hit us
And with the car we could never afford

Funny how heavy water can feel
When its welling up in your lungs

Funny how the ones who aren’t afraid to do it
Are the ones you’d never guessed would jump

Funny how people start paying attention
When you’re holding the gun to your head

Funny how our own thoughts eat us alive
Aren’t we all just better off  **dead?

Leave Me Leave You #Poetry

To my family
i’m sorry for being distant
it’s not that i don’t love you
i do love you
but it’s better off for me to be alone
for us not to have a close bond
so that when i die
you won’t be filled with remorse
so that you won’t be disappointed in me
for leaving you
for killing myself
so let me leave you
so i can leave myself

In Darkness #Poetry

Only in true darkness
Can stars really shine
They await the setting stage
Patiently through time
They watch the plays
Of all our days
Showy and shallow and shrill
While peace is theirs
And now it’s mine
And I am with you still

No reset #Poetry

Secrets have a way of making themselves felt, even before you know there’s a secret.

You mind your steps
after you’ve stumbled.
You miss your home
after you’ve left it.
You value your health
after you’ve been sick.

But you can’t enjoy life
after you died

Illusionary #Poetry

What if beauty is just an illusion?
What if those alluring flowers—
Are just made by our creative visions.

What if literature doesn’t exist?
What if prominent poetries—
Are just emotional fantasy beasts.

What if Elizabeth I, didn’t really live?
What if they made her—
Just to mold an inspiration for us to believe.

What if we really don’t have families?
What if we just made them—
To polish our longing bliss.

What if I’m just an illusion?
What if you are all actors—
Filming just to visualize my imagination.

What if…I kill myself?
What if I’ll end—
All the agonies that makes me deaf.

Will someone be there?
None! Because each of you are just illusions—
That fades when I need you here.

The world, taught me to be an illusionist.
But because of these, I’m agonizing.

Can I end these lies now?
This pain—
That forms melancholy?
This life—
That is illusionary?

---

©2018. Vishal Dutia. All Rights Reserved.

Death by number #Poetry

Lengthy
Eulogy
Paraphrased
Pathology

Box is cold
Light is thin

Would someone please
Let me the hell back in.

---

©2018. VishalDutia. All Rights Reserved.

BALANCE SHEET Of LIFE

Birth is your
Opening Stock.

What comes to you
is
Credit.

What goes from you
is
Debit.

Death is your
Closing Stock.

Your ideas are your
Assets.

Your bad habits are
your Liabilities.

Your happiness is
your
Profit.

Your sorrow is your
Loss.

Your soul is your
Goodwill.

Your heart is your
fixed Assets

Your character is
your
Capital.

Your knowledge is
your
Investment.

Your age is your
Depreciation.

And finally :

ALWAYS REMEMBER,
GOD IS YOUR AUDITOR

*Have a nice balance sheet of Life*

Life And Death #Musings

Love is
In the moment
Love is
LIFE OR DEATH

Because what’s better
Being happy now and lonely later
Or being lonely now and later .

Love #Poetry

It hurts more than pain.
It falls more than rain.
It rises more than the sun.
It is never slain.
It is far from a game.
More powerful than death.
It will keep you up at night.
It will give you rest.
Its the worst.
Its the best,
Its the only real test.
Its confusing as it gets.
understood as its blessed.
It can be faked, but its real.
fills you more than a meal.
It leaves you empty,
feeling lost.
And there’s no going back.
It will tear you apart,
it will keep you intact.
Sometimes we wonder, what did we really have.
There is a time to be humble,
And a time to just love back.

Life And Death #Poetry

What is life?
Life is just the cycling of death.
We look up to death.
We look forward to death.
What is death without life.
You have no death without giving yourself life.
To die you need to first have a life. Contrary to belief you aren’t born with life.
You make life or you disappear one day.
Without life that grave is just a name.
Choosing to settle for less in life is choosing to rob your life.
Choosing to stop it from ever being.
Choose life.
Make yourself something.
Just do something.