Chronic suffering

I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But it’s been like that for years now

I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But I’ve run out of tears now

I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But I’m “getting the right help” now

I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But they’re tied of hearing that now

So I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But I do it quietly now

I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But I choose to stay unnoticed now

I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But I keep it to myself now

Because I’m hurting
I’m really hurting
But nobody wants to see it now.

© VishalDutia

Decay

I’m rotting out of my skin
And I’m repulsed
By the feeling
Of each breath
I steal
From this
Cold dead worldOne day I hope
I can watch
It all burn down
Only then
Will I know
God’s warmth

©VishalDutia

Pit

Even as I’m moving
forward,
I still feel
stuck
In the same thoughts,
the same mistakes,
the same
inevitable
pit.

©VishalDutia

Dead and Gone #Poetry

A tear falls from her eye
Thoughts racing in her mind
Pleading to the sky for mercy
Her lovers now passed on
He taught her to be strong
Now she only drinks her wine
when she is thirsty
This helps to ease her pain
For the feelings that remain
A broken heart is still worthy of a mending

– VishalDutia

Fade #Poetry

I can feel you fading away
Slowly, as if it’s all in my head
Slipping through the cracks
Of your cold and tired embrace

You want to leave me
I can feel the lack of warmth
Attempting to let me down slowly
Only to prolong the pain

Just go if you want to go
Leave me here to crumble
It’s my time, it’s my destiny
When you leave I will fade too

– VishalDutia

Insomnia insecurities #Poetry

I’m losing friends like i’m losing sleep
apologies don’t work, and neither do sheep
don’t go, because i want you to stay
but don’t lie to me, you’re leaving someday

– VishalDutia

Not #Poem #Philosophical

There are two different worlds now.
The one I see when I look
at the screen
and the one where birds sing.
I feel as if the world
would end sometimes
and my mind forgets
the meaning of living
but the shadow is under
my nose.
Somehow forever is
the place of technology.
The glow is what
separates us though
we think connection
is imminent.
Pain and death are
not what we expect.
It happens all the time.
Just like the rain,
tomorrow and today;
Endless is the Universe
talking to me like a dream.
I don’t understand why
it was but I’m going to
sleep again tonight;
I can be whatever you want.

-VishalDutia

When the poetry dies #Poetry

I broke down and cried
The day my pen stopped and died
I broke down in ever present sadness
The day my writing was trapped in madness
I broke down in lost confusion
The day my ideas were just an illusion
I broke down in tormented pain
The day my words were washed away by rain
I broke down in flowing tears
The day my thoughts were consumed by fears
I broke down in a confused insanity
The day my mind escaped its sanity
I broke down and wanted to be dead
The day my poetic soul was empty in my head
I broke down, screamed and cried
The day my poetry left me and died

-VishalDutia

Paper Hearts #Poem

Say nothing of how you feel,
For hearts they tend to flee.
Speak not the words of love,
Nor show care for the.
Paper hearts are fragile things,
and of your fire they are afraid,
lest they burn to the pile of ash,
and on the wind be carried away.

Broken #Poetry

Broken #Poetry

Its all over #Poetry

Heaven fell from the tired sky

Angels found bars and delighted in warm whiskey dreams… 

Dancing sugarcane symphony 

I crossed the street and met myself in yesterday’s clothes…

Empty box of cigarettes 

looking so lonely on summer hot cement.

A dirty page can tell a clean story 

A clean page can say nothing at you…

I’ve seen your preach pigeon feed

how they dance blindly at your feet

Soon this will be my street…

Do we care #Poetry

For each other, do we even care

Do we not give a damn and blindly stare

Holy shit, the earth is a mess

Our lack of humanity but I digress

Do we have any more fucks to give

Do we give up and die, instead of live

Lifeless will be the day

when all the clouds turn grey

The sun does not shine

in this world of mine

The animals are all dying

while the oceans are crying

Countries are at war

the earth is becoming an eyesore

Pollution is in the air

doesn’t anybody care

The world is like an apple gone rotten

Kindness seems to be long forgotten

People hating one another for no reason 

Is loving each other, out of season

Do we care or are we out of luck 

Pull our heads out of the sand and give a fuck

Something I wrote reading the newspaper while sipping my coffee and thinking about life as we may or may not know it

Random #musings

I never knew of the extent I’d reach for you.

Heartbreak Realisation (1) #Poem

It takes so long to realise that,
Your message doesn’t always have to be the first one,
You can leave a call or chat earlier.
And your messages don’t always have to be the last ones.

Can’t Be

My eyes are heavy,
My mind is full.
My body is numb,
I’m feeling cold.
I can’t believe it.
This isn’t real.
You can’t be dead
I love you still.

I Do Not Love You

I will say
I do not love you
until my mouth forgets your taste

I will write
I do not love you
until my fingers forget
how your hands feel, wrapped in mine
and my poems no longer
reek of sadness and desperation

I will believe
I do not love you
until it becomes impossible
or until I begin
to love someone new

---

SCARED TODAY.

I’m scared today, my thinkings all sad!
I’m missing my Mum, I need her so bad!
I’m feeling all lonely, and butterflies inside!
I’m feeling real sick, but so hard to cry.😟😟

Have you seen me?

You might’ve seen me walking along the road
Long golden curls, headed for home

Soft blue dress, with little orange flowers
Hopping in puddles from April’s rain showers

Or you might’ve seen my face plastered all over town
Missing child posters “NOT BEEN FOUND”

Amber alerts, sirens blare
No one really knew me, but suddenly they all care

Maybe I’m locked in a basement, or wrapped up in a sheet
But you came to your conclusion when you found a retainer full of teeth

Flowers growing in the cracks in the ground
No one heard my screams, because I didn’t make a sound

Where is she? Where is she? Is there any more? I’m just right above you, under this dirt floor

Have you seen me? Can you hear me? I’ve been scratching for days
He told me that he loved me, but I didn’t want to play

My dress is buried in the mud, as are my locks of hair
And if you look a little closer, you’ll find some child bones growing there

He tasted my pigtails every day, suckled all the sweetness
Told me they tasted just like cotton candy peaches

I tried to get away, I tried and tried but to no avail
He knew I was a liar, when I said I wasn’t a tattle tale

I dreamt of mommy’s kisses when she would tuck me in my bed
It’s always the big girl thing to do, instead of cry and beg

I saw little stars dancing around my head
As his grip squeezed tighter around my little neck

He buried me fairly softly, gave me a kiss goodnight
Wrapped me up in plastic bags and turned out all the lights

The earth is my pillow and my room is the sky
Don’t ask any questions because he won’t say why

Have you seen me? I think it was too late
You did not get to see me, until I met my fate.

TRIGGER WARNING: this was inspired by a very tragic kidnapping case that I saw on the news.

Questions for society

Sadness follows me everywhere I go

As my heart is broken by everyone I know

This is how villains are born

Surrounded everywhere, by thorns

Surely there‘s more to be shown

Surely life isn‘t meant to be spent alone

The pain inside grows

Yet I must not let it taint the snow

I‘m a survivor

I‘m an adaptor

My clothes may be worn

my mind maybe torn

Though in my heart brews a storm

Still I will resist this scorn

I will stand for my dignity

And defy this life which is but absurdity

Because in the time of adversity

No questions will answered by this society

 

My sadness

Pain conflicted.
Gain restricted.
Overdose.
Plain predicted.
flame addicted.
Comatose.
Kill a thought.
here’s another.
Take a Rose.
Thoughts convulse.
Caught no pulse.
Should I take a pill?
Todd you could! I will.

Broken

Nothing mends a broken soul
The feeling of giving up
and losing all goals
The constant fear of f*ckingup
and a heart with a gaping hole.

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Hanging Tree (Suicide Fun)

I’m gonna hang on a tree
jumping free

let’s have some fun

I’m gonna get me a rope
lay down my cloak

let’s have some fun

swing baby swing
let your body swing
whistling in the wind

Depression

No direction

No worth

No purpose

No goal

It feels like I’m falling  

Through a bottomless hole

Unwanted Tears

These tears
Will leave.
I know it.
I made them..
You just don’t-
Don’t know why..
They appeared
In the first place.

Tell Me Your Secrets #Poetry

Tell me your secrets
I might tell you a lie
Talk to me slowly
I might tell you im fine
Inject me with poison
So my brain feels numb
Make me dumber and dumber
Till my mind succumbs

She was like Music #Poetry

She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.

What Hurts The Most #Poetry

I didn’t see you
until you saw me
and I didn’t love you
until you loved me
and you didn’t leave me
but I left you
and you don’t look heartbroken
but i do.

Leave Me Leave You #Poetry

To my family
i’m sorry for being distant
it’s not that i don’t love you
i do love you
but it’s better off for me to be alone
for us not to have a close bond
so that when i die
you won’t be filled with remorse
so that you won’t be disappointed in me
for leaving you
for killing myself
so let me leave you
so i can leave myself

Loneliness #Poetry

A mere phantom of life
Silent and miserable
Waves as people walk by,
Yells ‘I’m here, invisible!’

It doesn’t know they don’t see
It doesn’t know they can’t hear
It shouts till its voice is soar,
Then finds solace in fear.

Will they ever listen?
Will they stop to understand?
Will anyone look further
Maybe even lend a hand?

Burn Bright #Poetry

You made me feel like,
the sun,
with your sweet words,
and love
orbiting around me.

Then you left me to burn,
And I realized it was
your lies
trapping me in.

If hearts could talk from within #Poetry

As pale as the sky to her skin,
As painful as the eyes to sink within,
If anything but her voice to be heard from him,
Would it be any better if the hearts could talk from within?

If presence is all that matters, and silence cannot be shattered, would it be any better if the hearts could talk from within?

As hard as it is to replace each other,
And as empty as they feel together
Would it be any better if the hearts could talk from within?

They say time heals everything, but,
What if the hearts stop talking from within?

The Fog #Poetry

Its the days when you don’t cry,
But you don’t smile either.

It’s the days when you’re quieter than usual,
And people notice.

It’s the days when you aren’t quite thinking about anything.

But if someone asked you what was wrong,
You wouldn’t know where to start.

I wish I could stay #Poetry

I wish I could stay.

I will disappear forever

into the silent abyss.

You can never find me ever

The only thing left will be

reminisces.

my

All the songs we sung together

All the crazy nights you‘ll miss.

How I embraced you

had night terrors.

when

you

How I

gave you a gentle kiss.

with pain and pleasure

Of how life

past

It was such a sheer bliss.

I will disappear in the silent night

for I don‘t have much time stay.

For now just hold me tight

and let Death take me away.

This is not a poem #Poetry

This is not a poem
But a question
The answer to which
I do hope you have

Why does my lover claim to love me
But still looks for every opportunity
To let me go?

Is it that she loves me so much
But doesn’t think she’s worthy of me

Or she doesn’t love me enough
To think I’m worthy of her?

Feelings #Poetry

I have a feeling in my heart
That’s tearing me apart

I have drastic feelings in my brain
That no one, not even I can explain

I have a hole in my soul
That makes me feel unwhole

I have thoughts messing with my mind
That makes me terribly unkind

I have this idea in my head
That I fearfully dread

I have horrible memories in my brain
That caused pain and yes, today still remains

what’s it like #Poetry

what’s it like to be in love? to love someone and have them love you back? i give out all my love, and never recieve any back.

what’s it like to have a shoulder to cry on? to have someone tell you that it’ll be okay? i cry every night, but I don’t tell anyone, because they’ll think just wave me away.

what’s it like to be happy? to wake up every morning without any sadness? i try to be happy, but there’s no such thing.

what’s it like to still have hope in a world that constantly discriminates and hates?

please tell me, so I can be like you. so i can be in your shoes, and see things from your view.

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© 2020. Vishal Dutia. All Rights Reserved.

Circles #Poetry

I keep on seeing circles
Unbreakble circles
Spinning and spinning

Filled with my future
Going around and around
Unbreakable circles

Waiting for nature to break them
Waiting a little to long
There will be a time where i will break
The unbreakable
This poem is based on the mundane everyday

A Vow To Myself #Poetry

I asked for your blessing…
instead you explained

What I should be thinking
to lessen your pain

You told me if only
I’d say it this way

My words could have meaning
and influence—sway

But power and fortune
are not what I sought

If influence only
gets brokered and bought

So the blessing passed over
your lecture now done

A vow to myself
—from you I must run

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@2018. VishalDutia. All Rights Reserved

Karma is a bitch but again so are you #Poetry

 

Isn’t it madness
Today
Forgot tomorrow
Love should be honest
Love is a promise
Not meant to be used
Not meant to hurt another

Seeing in your eyes
forgotten
Just a week ago
Love is what I saw

Where do you go
To hide in your shame
knowing it’s karma
coming to eat your soul

Better am , l
sitting here
hurt and angry

Then next to you
with a lie upon my heart

If karma is all I got
you better pray
cause you will be the
one hurting
and my pain
will you feel
Karma is a bitch
but again so are
you.

---

©Vishal Dutia. 2018

Illusionary #Poetry

What if beauty is just an illusion?
What if those alluring flowers—
Are just made by our creative visions.

What if literature doesn’t exist?
What if prominent poetries—
Are just emotional fantasy beasts.

What if Elizabeth I, didn’t really live?
What if they made her—
Just to mold an inspiration for us to believe.

What if we really don’t have families?
What if we just made them—
To polish our longing bliss.

What if I’m just an illusion?
What if you are all actors—
Filming just to visualize my imagination.

What if…I kill myself?
What if I’ll end—
All the agonies that makes me deaf.

Will someone be there?
None! Because each of you are just illusions—
That fades when I need you here.

The world, taught me to be an illusionist.
But because of these, I’m agonizing.

Can I end these lies now?
This pain—
That forms melancholy?
This life—
That is illusionary?

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©2018. Vishal Dutia. All Rights Reserved.